Monday, August 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Elke's Meditation made simple
Most common questions about meditation
What about my thoughts during meditation?
Observe that they are happening, no need to resolve them or try and stop them. They are a part of human nature and happen during meditation. Gently bring yourself back to the breath, the affirmations or the mantra. Simply observe your thoughts and don’t judge yourself or your thoughts. You will find the still gaps between the thoughts becoming longer and your mind getting calmer.
How should I be breathing?
The technique is not as important as the awareness of breath. When we feel stressed our breathing is generally too shallow. Count your breath as you gently inhale through your nose, 1, 2, 3, 4 and exhale slow, smooth and long . Fill your lungs with air, your rib cage expand and your stomach rise as you breathe in. Exhale just as thoroughly and let your rib cage and stomach push out all the air. Do this gently, no need to strain.
With each exhalation allow your thoughts to be released - all worries and concerns flow out of your body. Let your mind being exhaled. After a few sets, you can let go of counting. Whenever you feel like your mind has taken over, bring yourself back to your breath . This is a type of meditation in itself.
What if I am interrupted?
Resolve to return phone calls after and if you have to attend to an interruption simply go back to the meditation, or at least lie still for a few more minutes.
Where should I meditate?
Our meditations are best done in a quiet place at home. You can use some of the relaxation techniques like focusing on breath at the office, or while nature walking. This helps you come back to feeling centred during the day.
Should I lie down or sit up during the meditation?
The important part is that you are comfortable. Your body needs to be able to relax. Many people don’t lie down, since they don’t want to fall asleep and miss out on the meditation experience. So if you lie down, make it different from what you do when you go to sleep. Prop up some pillows in your bed, or lie down on a mat on the floor and on a folded towel under your sternum. Or raise your legs with a pillow, if that is something that gives you comfort.
If you are sitting, settle into a comfortable posture. Keep your alignment: torso aligned with hips and head aligned with spine. Let your shoulders relax and your arms rest gently. Feel your sitting bones supported by the chair or the pillow you are on. Let your legs be rooted to the floor.
Conversation with Elke Babicki about audio book/CD’s
What made you decide to produce these CD’s/ Audio Books?
I have been a consultant to businesses and a psychotherapist for over 25 years. My clients often remarked how nice it would be to have something to turn to in the privacy of their own home. With the Cd or download, you can do just that, any time you want you can listen to what you need most. I am solution focused, and really enjoy getting people on back their feet in as short a time as possible. So I thought the best solution for helping others is to facilitate helping themselves. Nothing is more wonderful than people coming back and saying how well they are doing.What are the Cd’s/ Audio books about?
The first four address different kinds of Loss;Loss of a relationship, loss of a loved one, loss of a pet and loss of a job. The CD explains what you may be experiencing when your world feels like it has been shattered. We lead you through some easy relaxation and get you to breathe properly. We then move into what your consciousness needs to heal.
Why does the CD/ Audio Book help a person experiencing those kinds of losses?
During my Masters I studied cognitive therapy and guided imagery and post graduate I completed training in EMDR. EMDR is a much researched trauma reduction method that has produced some remarkable results. From those trainings I’ve come away with a method that has effects the way the brain functions. An optimal brain state engages healthy frontal lobes with alpha brain waves that help healing. Visualizing color is one way to relax your mind and tap into healing brain waves. The music we carefully selected, the sound frequencies we chose and the alternating of affirmations to left and right hemispheres all help you create more relaxing brain waves and a more optimal brain state. Trauma ,like loss, creates stuck patterns, like flash cards with upsetting images being held up repeatedly. The CD’s are a way for people to free themselves of these destructive memories and create more healthy brain activity.
Does listening to the Cd’s / AudioBooks replace therapy?
It does not replace therapy, however it does empower a person with what they need to create to rewire their brain in a productive way. It creates brain waves that are conducive to peak performance. Olympic athletes for example know all about this and train their minds in this way as well as their bodies.
Grieving After Divorce
“ I refuse to let what happened to me make me bitter. I still completely believe in love and I'm open to anything that will happen to me.” - Nicole Kidman
Allow yourself to Grieve: It is entirely normal to experience mixed emotions. Mixed emotions may consist of fear, anger, resentment, frustration, sorrow, relief and, of course, confusion. It is crucial, while grieving, to acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions can be agonizing to express, when ignored they will lengthen the grieving process.
Discuss your feelings: It is important to express and discuss your feelings with other people. This may seem difficult, but in reality is crucial to grieving healthily. By expressing your feelings you will feel less alone with the pain you are experiencing and will commence the healing process. Another outlet that can aid you to express your grief is a diary.
Keep in mind the goal is to move forward with your life: While expressing your feelings can provide a sense of liberation, it is also crucial not to linger on negative thoughts or feelings. By holding on to these feelings you are unconsciously using valuable energy which inhibits you from moving on.
Make Plans for the Future: Once you have committed to another person, most of you hopes and dreams include that person. It is difficult to let them go, however as you grieve the loss of the future you once dreamed of , be inspired by idea that new hopes and dreams will replace them.
CHILDREN OF DIVORCE
A child’s list of needs:
- A child needs the involvement of both parents in their lives. In order to accomplish this letters, phone calls, and interest in a child’s life are important.
- Work hard to stop fighting with your spouse, and try to agree on matters related to the child.
- Work out any jealous feelings you may be experiencing due to your child’s involvement with the other parent. It forces the child to take sides and therefore resent both of you.
- Try to directly communicate with the other parent when discussing the child’s well being.
- When referring to the other parent in front of the child remain kind. If you say un-kind things on front of the child it insinuates that you want them to pick a side.
- Keep in mind the child loves both of you.
THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP YOUR CHILD EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS:
Listen- often children of divorce feel a sense of sorrow, failure and frustration. It is crucial that they acknowledge these feelings.
Encourage honesty – encourage your children to say what they need to say even if it could hurt you.
Recognize their feelings – You may not be able to turn their distress into happiness, but by acknowledging their feelings you establish a sense of trust.
Recommended online resources:
- http://bodyandhealth.canada.com/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=3043&channel_id=11&relation_id=26257 (Recommended because it stresses moving forward and not dwelling in what has already passed. Also provides helpful tips on how to achieve moving forward.)
- http://www.cmha.ca/bins/content_page.asp?cid=2-70-72 (Recommended because it deals specifically with the emotions associated with divorce.)
- http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=4391 (Recommended because it provides helpful steps to emotionally coping with divorce.)
- http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/copingduringdivorce/u/coping_divorce1.htm (Recommended because it provides links to specific areas of coping such as coping with financial issues, as well as dating and rebuilding your life after divorce.)
Pet Loss
Commonly Asked Questions and Answers
Q.) I'm O.K. about Winston's passing, but my daughter is very upset, even to the point of not eating.
A.)Yes, these stages are the same for children. Not everyone goes through all stages or in that order. Kids may feel misdirected anger at the parent or the Vet. For example, younger children may refuse to believe that the pet was so sick it had to die. Depending on their age group, they may not realize death is inevitable. A four year old may not yet anticipate death, and be in a state of shock. Their sense of security is shattered. The best thing you can do for them is to provide a safe environment and assure them of your love. A family commemorative service is a good idea where everyone can grieve.
A.) My favourite thing to do each day before going to bed is to remember three good things that happened that day. Even when you feel sad, good things do happen.
A.) Yes it will end ,everyone goes through different stages of grief. When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered. It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again. But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.
Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.
First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”
From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.
In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”
Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”
While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened". Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.
Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions. Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone. The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma. Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes. Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma.
A.) Death should be looked as a normal process of life. If we speak of it openly, it will be less of a shock. The lack of comfort in communicating about death causes our children to fear and deny the dying process.
Famous Quote:
Her life was a gift to me, her death a greater one. - Oprah
Q.) I'm O.K. about Winston's passing, but my daughter is very upset, even to the point of not eating.
A.) The degree of attachment to a pet determines the extent of which you feel grief. Your daughter must have been deeply attached. Children feel particularly sad and empty, without a real ability to express themselves. Eating too little or too much is often a way of dealing with emotion. This is an adjustment period.
Q.) Do children and adults experience the same stages of grief?
A.)Yes, these stages are the same for children. Not everyone goes through all stages or in that order. Kids may feel misdirected anger at the parent or the Vet. For example, younger children may refuse to believe that the pet was so sick it had to die. Depending on their age group, they may not realize death is inevitable. A four year old may not yet anticipate death, and be in a state of shock. Their sense of security is shattered. The best thing you can do for them is to provide a safe environment and assure them of your love. A family commemorative service is a good idea where everyone can grieve.
Q.) I feel like I've been hit by a truck, what can make me feel better?
A.) My favourite thing to do each day before going to bed is to remember three good things that happened that day. Even when you feel sad, good things do happen.
During intense emotions of insecurity you may want to hold off on any major decisions and pay extra attention to nurturing yourself.- Listen to uplifting music. Classical music such as Mozart, Beethoven and Pachelbel Canon in general contain healing properties. Listen to your favourite personal theme songs that fill you with hope, serenity and inspiration.
- Pick out a pure essential oil that is most appealing to you, and enjoy the positive feeling it gives off in your home.
- Pleasant objects of art or flowers placed strategically where you will notice them can lift your spirits.
- Be good to yourself, treat yourself to a massage, take as many walks in the fresh air as you can, get proper amounts of sleep, and eat properly.
- Do things that give you nice feelings, perhaps just renting a favourite movie, dancing or attending cultural events.
- Love and appreciate yourself, focus on appreciative thoughts. Focus, also, on the gentle touch and kind deeds towards yourself and others. The more you tune into love everyday, the easier every day gets.
- Listen to meditation tapes. The tapes enable your subconscious to be open to receiving loving spirit energy. You can then rid yourself of fear and stress.
- It is very healing to express your feelings with others, so communicate with those you love
Q.) I've been crying for three days now over Mimi, it feels like this will never end.
A.) Yes it will end ,everyone goes through different stages of grief. When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered. It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again. But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.
Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.
First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”
From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.
In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”
Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”
While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened". Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.
Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions. Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone. The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma. Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes. Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma.
Q.) Do I tell my children our cat died or refer to her as having run away?
A.) Death should be looked as a normal process of life. If we speak of it openly, it will be less of a shock. The lack of comfort in communicating about death causes our children to fear and deny the dying process.
Losing a Loved One
Commonly Asked Questions and Answers
A.) Yes, people feel very awkward when it comes to knowing what to say to somebody who has lost a loved one. Very early on we are taught not to express painful and sad feelings. The truth is everyone experiences feelings of loss differently, every relationship is unique. Therefore, hearing someone say "I know how you feel" may not mean anything to you. If people intellectualize, they say things like "She led a full life", this is not going to ease your pain though. Or when people change the subject before you may start to cry, it is all experienced as insensitivity to your feelings. Be patient with yourself, you are feeling raw right now. The responses of others, don't encourage the expression of your feelings. In the privacy of your home, you can let yourself experience your painful thoughts and feelings. Listening to our download will help you with visualizing yourself in peace.
A.) When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered. It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again. But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.
Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.
First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”
From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.
In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”
Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”
While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened". Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.
Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions. Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone. The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma. Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes. Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma
A.) Above all, grief is a spiritual journey. It demands you to consider why people live, die and the meaning they bring to life. Make and effort to embrace your spirituality and it will embrace you back. Here are some helpful hints to consider during this time in your life.
*Helpful hints: My favourite thing to do each day before going to bed is to remember three good things that happened that day. Even when you feel sad, good things do happen. During intense emotions of insecurity you may want to hold off on any major decisions and pay extra attention to nurturing yourself.- Listen to uplifting music. Classical music such as Mozart, Beethoven and Pachelbel Canon in general contain healing properties. Listen to your favourite personal theme songs that fill you with hope, serenity and inspiration.
A.) It's the old "if I hadn't... this wouldn't have happened", nobody else is responsible for anybody else's choices. You don't know the reason for his choices, so don't blame yourself for his decision! You may have to write down a conversation with your brother in your mind. Write down your questions and his answers. There are others who have experienced similar situations, you can go online to find support from websites like MADD.
Famous Quote:
"Death ends a life, not a relationship" - Robert Benchley
Q.) My husband died 2 years ago and I still don't have the energy to go out and do any activities my friends invite me to. I get tired of hearing myself talk so negatively to my friends
A.) It is clear that you have allowed yourself time to experience your grief. Even in the midst of grief it is possible to think positive. Our downloads will help you let go of grief and regrets. However, grief counselling with a compassionate counsellor may be helpful at this time to assist you with some of the questions on "what will I do now?". The downloads will help on a daily basis, and give you the positive support you need.
Q.) People say the stupidest things and I wish they would not say anything. "I know how you feel" does not help when you are upset.
A.) Yes, people feel very awkward when it comes to knowing what to say to somebody who has lost a loved one. Very early on we are taught not to express painful and sad feelings. The truth is everyone experiences feelings of loss differently, every relationship is unique. Therefore, hearing someone say "I know how you feel" may not mean anything to you. If people intellectualize, they say things like "She led a full life", this is not going to ease your pain though. Or when people change the subject before you may start to cry, it is all experienced as insensitivity to your feelings. Be patient with yourself, you are feeling raw right now. The responses of others, don't encourage the expression of your feelings. In the privacy of your home, you can let yourself experience your painful thoughts and feelings. Listening to our download will help you with visualizing yourself in peace.
Q.) My mother was a good friend and confidante, I don't know how I'm going to get along without her. I have great pangs of loneliness, is this normal and for how long?
A.) When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered. It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again. But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.
Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.
First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”
From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.
In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”
Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”
While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened". Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.
Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions. Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone. The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma. Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes. Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma
Q.) I'm feeling lethargic and down but trying to move through the loss of my sister, we were very close. How can I boost my spirits?
A.) Above all, grief is a spiritual journey. It demands you to consider why people live, die and the meaning they bring to life. Make and effort to embrace your spirituality and it will embrace you back. Here are some helpful hints to consider during this time in your life.
*Helpful hints: My favourite thing to do each day before going to bed is to remember three good things that happened that day. Even when you feel sad, good things do happen. During intense emotions of insecurity you may want to hold off on any major decisions and pay extra attention to nurturing yourself.- Listen to uplifting music. Classical music such as Mozart, Beethoven and Pachelbel Canon in general contain healing properties. Listen to your favourite personal theme songs that fill you with hope, serenity and inspiration.
- Pick out a pure essential oil that is most appealing to you, and enjoy the positive feeling it gives off in your home.
- Pleasant objects of art or flowers placed strategically where you will notice them can lift your spirits.
- Be good to yourself, treat yourself to a massage, take as many walks in the fresh air as you can, get proper amounts of sleep, and eat properly.
- Do things that give you nice feelings, perhaps just renting a favourite movie, dancing or attending cultural events.
- Love and appreciate yourself, focus on appreciative thoughts. Focus, also, on the gentle touch and kind deeds towards yourself and others. The more you tune into love everyday, the easier every day gets.
- Listen to meditation tapes. The tapes enable your subconscious to be open to receiving loving spirit energy. You can then rid yourself of fear and stress.
- It is very healing to express your feelings with others, so communicate with those you love.
Q.) My brother and a freind died in a fatal car accident and it was my brother's fault for drinking and driving. I feel guilty for having had let him borrow my car.
A.) It's the old "if I hadn't... this wouldn't have happened", nobody else is responsible for anybody else's choices. You don't know the reason for his choices, so don't blame yourself for his decision! You may have to write down a conversation with your brother in your mind. Write down your questions and his answers. There are others who have experienced similar situations, you can go online to find support from websites like MADD.
Break Up
Commonly Asked Questions and Answers
A.) After a break up you experience a loss, and just like in any loss you go through stages of grieving. Isolation is a result of the sad, depressed and angry feelings you are experiencing. This too shall pass. When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered.It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again. But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.
Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.
First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”
From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.
In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”
Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”
While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened". Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.
Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions. Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone. The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma. Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes. Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma.
A.) No doubt this was the most important relationship in your life, and you feel devastated. But this is a new opportunity to define yourself. The Break Up cd/download can certainly help with getting you on a more positve wave-
A.) As you probably already did, reassuring them that it is not their fault is the first step. Make your children as comfortable as possible in both homes. Surround them with familiar things, photo's of all family members. Think of putting a sense of control back into your children's lives. One way to do that is to allow them to make decisions whenever possible.
Resist the desire for revenge, find win-win solutions with your spouse, choose solutions that best meet the needs of your children. Your children are a part of both of you. Do something to renew your spirit. Learn to ask for what you need and teach your children to do the same. If the children see you are okay with it, they will be okay.
A.) It's a good time right now to take care of yourself (see helpful hints)Next get out there again and do some networking, once you have found someone who meets your criteria (be selective) then you can start dating again. Dates are like buses, miss one, the next one comes along soon, when you get on, find a comfortable and secure position.
*Helpful hints: My favourite thing to do each day before going to bed is to remember three good things that happened that day. Even when you feel sad, good things do happen.
During intense emotions of insecurity you may want to hold off on any major decisions and pay extra attention to nurturing yourself.- Listen to uplifting music. Classical music such as Mozart, Beethoven and Pachelbel Canon in general contain healing properties. Listen to your favourite personal theme songs that fill you with hope, serenity and inspiration.
Famous Quote:
“The loss of the most important relationship of my life, was the price I paid for coming to know myself”- Claire Bloom
Q.) I feel so lonely right now after this last break up, I just want to isolate myself
A.) After a break up you experience a loss, and just like in any loss you go through stages of grieving. Isolation is a result of the sad, depressed and angry feelings you are experiencing. This too shall pass. When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered.It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again. But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.
Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.
First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”
From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.
In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”
Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”
While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened". Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.
Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions. Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone. The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma. Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes. Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma.
Q.) After 25 years of marriage, I've found out my husband was having an affair, and he has since left. How can I rebuild my life?
A.) No doubt this was the most important relationship in your life, and you feel devastated. But this is a new opportunity to define yourself. The Break Up cd/download can certainly help with getting you on a more positve wave-
length, which provides you with the energy to deal with how to rebuild your life. Finding a good counsellor who is solution focused and will give you some support if you are confused on some issues, may be a good idea as well.
Q.) We are breaking up after 15 years, my children are 8 and 13, I feel one is blaming herself, and the other is acting out.
A.) As you probably already did, reassuring them that it is not their fault is the first step. Make your children as comfortable as possible in both homes. Surround them with familiar things, photo's of all family members. Think of putting a sense of control back into your children's lives. One way to do that is to allow them to make decisions whenever possible.
Resist the desire for revenge, find win-win solutions with your spouse, choose solutions that best meet the needs of your children. Your children are a part of both of you. Do something to renew your spirit. Learn to ask for what you need and teach your children to do the same. If the children see you are okay with it, they will be okay.
Q.) Every time I break up I feel so devastated that it puts me off dating altogether
A.) It's a good time right now to take care of yourself (see helpful hints)Next get out there again and do some networking, once you have found someone who meets your criteria (be selective) then you can start dating again. Dates are like buses, miss one, the next one comes along soon, when you get on, find a comfortable and secure position.
*Helpful hints: My favourite thing to do each day before going to bed is to remember three good things that happened that day. Even when you feel sad, good things do happen.
During intense emotions of insecurity you may want to hold off on any major decisions and pay extra attention to nurturing yourself.- Listen to uplifting music. Classical music such as Mozart, Beethoven and Pachelbel Canon in general contain healing properties. Listen to your favourite personal theme songs that fill you with hope, serenity and inspiration.
- Pick out a pure essential oil that is most appealing to you, and enjoy the positive feeling it gives off in your home.
- Pleasant objects of art or flowers placed strategically where you will notice them can lift your spirits.
- Be good to yourself, treat yourself to a massage, take as many walks in the fresh air as you can, get proper amounts of sleep, and eat properly.
- Do things that give you nice feelings, perhaps just renting a favourite movie, dancing or attending cultural events.
- Love and appreciate yourself, focus on appreciative thoughts. Focus, also, on the gentle touch and kind deeds towards yourself and others. The more you tune into love everyday, the easier every day gets.
- Listen to meditation tapes. The tapes enable your subconscious to be open to receiving loving spirit energy. You can then rid yourself of fear and stress.
- It is very healing to express your feelings with others, so communicate with those you love.
What I know for sure
I have learnt that there is a universal intelligence and that we can tap into it if we use our mind differently. The ACCESS acronym on our Revitalizing Meditation helps you tune into a much more powerful vast consciousness than our logical mind.
Theta and Alpha waves are powerful conduits to the universal intelligence.
It is possible to access much more than the usual 10 percent of our brains we use in linear, logical functioning. Every day, bring yourself back to making the shift into a connected universe by using ACCESS. At night play the Positively Up audio books to tune into theta and alpha healing.
Thoughts are just that, thoughts. When I try and still my mind, as a thought enters, I think “that’s a thought” and attach no meaning to it at all. For an instant there is a tiny gap, before a new thought comes in. Again I observe it and let it be. As the silences between the thoughts become longer, the thoughts become insignificant.
Theta and Alpha waves are powerful conduits to the universal intelligence.
It is possible to access much more than the usual 10 percent of our brains we use in linear, logical functioning. Every day, bring yourself back to making the shift into a connected universe by using ACCESS. At night play the Positively Up audio books to tune into theta and alpha healing.
Stilling your mind
I enter an alpha and theta state through quieting my mind.Thoughts are just that, thoughts. When I try and still my mind, as a thought enters, I think “that’s a thought” and attach no meaning to it at all. For an instant there is a tiny gap, before a new thought comes in. Again I observe it and let it be. As the silences between the thoughts become longer, the thoughts become insignificant.
Breathing and relaxation
Is the preparation for meditation. When I breathe I observe if the inhale and the exhale are about the same length of time. When we are anxious the inhale is often much longer. This creates a state of hyperventilation and shallow breathing pattern. That state makes us feel light headed and afraid. We are in an “alert to fight of flight” brain pattern that pumps adrenalin through our body. An optimal state is “relaxed and alert”. Breathing in and out about the same length of time, not forced, but easily is where we begin feeling whole again.Our Revitalizing Meditation
It is scientifically proven that binaural beats can influence your brain state. For example they can be used to...
- Increase motivation and energy
- Enhance creativity and learning
- Create happiness
- Produce relaxation and stress relief
Helpful Suggestions For Dealing With Loss
During intense emotions of insecurity you may want to hold off on any major decisions and pay extra attention to nurturing yourself.- Listen to uplifting music. Classical music such as Mozart, Beethoven and Pachelbel Canon in general contain healing properties. Listen to your favourite personal theme songs that fill you with hope, serenity and inspiration.
- Pick out a pure essential oil that is most appealing to you, and enjoy the positive feeling it gives off in your home.
- Pleasant objects of art or flowers placed strategically where you will notice them can lift your spirits.
- Be good to yourself, treat yourself to a massage, take as many walks in the fresh air as you can, get proper amounts of sleep, and eat properly.
- Do things that give you nice feelings, perhaps just renting a favourite movie, dancing or attending cultural events.
- Love and appreciate yourself, focus on appreciative thoughts. Focus, also, on the gentle touch and kind deeds towards yourself and others. The more you tune into love everyday, the easier every day gets.
- Listen to meditation tapes. The tapes enable your subconscious to be open to receiving loving spirit energy. You can then rid yourself of fear and stress.
- It is very healing to express your feelings with others, so communicate with those you love.
Process of Grief
It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again. But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.
Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.
First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”
From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.
In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”
Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”
While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened". Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.
Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions. Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone. The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma. Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes. Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma.
Shifting consciousness –> Into the New Paradigm
This six step approach to embracing a peaceful consciousness is spelled out in the word A.C.C.E.S.S.
The acronym spells out key actions that help us transition from a state of loss or sense of limitation to one of heightened insight and a feeling of gratitude.
A – Appreciation – appreciative words, thoughts, and actions on a daily basis
C – Compassion – understanding others
C - Choice – choosing appreciative thoughts and compassion for others
E - Energy – knowing that everything is energy and is always shifting; we can attract in to our lives what we want to create
S – Shift – being self disciplined to stay on track with paving a positive pathway for ourselves
S - Spirit – spirit is our interconnection with everything else
For me, these words represent a way of being in the world that is conscious, and rewards me with a lighter state of being. They act as keystones that bring me back, again and again, to a more positive experience of my life.
I choose appreciation for all the wonderful things in my life and i am calmed by focusing on these positives.
I choose compassion and I am able to see things from another’s perspective; I let go of my tight grip on my own perspective and try to understand another’s. This process relaxes my mind and opens my awareness, I feel as though I were in meditation: letting go of judgement, embracing understanding, and experiencing compassion.
The acronym spells out key actions that help us transition from a state of loss or sense of limitation to one of heightened insight and a feeling of gratitude.
A – Appreciation – appreciative words, thoughts, and actions on a daily basis
C – Compassion – understanding others
C - Choice – choosing appreciative thoughts and compassion for others
E - Energy – knowing that everything is energy and is always shifting; we can attract in to our lives what we want to create
S – Shift – being self disciplined to stay on track with paving a positive pathway for ourselves
S - Spirit – spirit is our interconnection with everything else
For me, these words represent a way of being in the world that is conscious, and rewards me with a lighter state of being. They act as keystones that bring me back, again and again, to a more positive experience of my life.
I choose appreciation for all the wonderful things in my life and i am calmed by focusing on these positives.
I choose compassion and I am able to see things from another’s perspective; I let go of my tight grip on my own perspective and try to understand another’s. This process relaxes my mind and opens my awareness, I feel as though I were in meditation: letting go of judgement, embracing understanding, and experiencing compassion.
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