Grieving After Divorce

“ I refuse to let what happened to me make me bitter. I still completely believe in love and I'm open to anything that will happen to me.”  - Nicole Kidman 

Allow yourself to Grieve:  It is entirely normal to experience mixed emotions. Mixed emotions may consist of fear, anger, resentment, frustration, sorrow, relief and, of course, confusion. It is crucial, while grieving, to acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions can be agonizing to express, when ignored they will lengthen the grieving process.

Discuss your feelings: It is important to express and discuss your feelings with other people. This may seem difficult, but in reality is crucial to grieving healthily. By expressing your feelings you will feel less alone with the pain you are experiencing and will commence the healing process. Another outlet that can aid you to express your grief is a diary.

Keep in mind the goal is to move forward with your life: While expressing your feelings can provide a sense of liberation, it is also crucial not to linger on negative thoughts or feelings. By holding on to these feelings you are unconsciously using valuable energy which inhibits you from moving on.

Make Plans for the Future: Once you have committed to another person, most of you hopes and dreams include that person. It is difficult to let them go, however as you grieve the loss of the future you once dreamed of , be inspired by idea that new hopes and dreams will replace them.

CHILDREN OF DIVORCE 

A child’s list of needs:

• A child needs the involvement of both parents in their lives. In order to accomplish this letters, phone calls, and interest in a child’s life are important.
• Work hard to stop fighting with your spouse, and try to agree on matters related to the child.
• Work out any jealous feelings you may be experiencing due to your child’s involvement with the other parent. It forces the child to take sides and therefore resent both of you.
• Try to directly communicate with the other parent when discussing the child’s well being.
• When referring to the other parent in front of the child remain kind. If you say un-kind things on front of the child it insinuates that you want them to pick a side.
• Keep in mind the child loves both of you.

THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP YOUR CHILD EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS:

Listen- often children of divorce feel a sense of sorrow, failure and frustration. It is crucial that they acknowledge these feelings.

Encourage honesty – encourage your children to say what they need to say even if it could hurt you.

Recognize their feelings – You may not be able to turn their distress into happiness, but by acknowledging their feelings you establish a sense of trust.

Recommended online resources:

1. http://bodyandhealth.canada.com/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=3043&channel_id=11&relation_id=26257 (Recommended because it stresses moving forward and not dwelling in what has already passed. Also provides helpful tips on how to achieve moving forward.) 
   
2. http://www.cmha.ca/bins/content_page.asp?cid=2-70-72 (Recommended because it deals specifically with the emotions associated with divorce.)
   
3. http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=4391 (Recommended because it provides helpful steps to emotionally coping with divorce.)
   
4. http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/copingduringdivorce/u/coping_divorce1.htm (Recommended because it provides links to specific areas of coping such as coping with financial issues, as well as dating and rebuilding your life after divorce.)