Process of Grief

When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered.

It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again.  But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.

Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.

First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”

From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.

In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”

Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”

While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened".  Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.

Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions.  Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone.  The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma.  Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes.  Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s  are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma.