Famous Quote:
"Death ends a life, not a relationship" - Robert Benchley
Q.) My husband died 2 years ago and I still don't have the energy to go out and do any activities my friends invite me to. I get tired of hearing myself talk so negatively to my friends
A.) It is clear that you have allowed yourself time to experience your grief. Even in the midst of grief it is possible to think positive. Our downloads will help you let go of grief and regrets. However, grief counselling with a compassionate counsellor may be helpful at this time to assist you with some of the questions on "what will I do now?". The downloads will help on a daily basis, and give you the positive support you need.
Q.) People say the stupidest things and I wish they would not say anything. "I know how you feel" does not help when you are upset.
A.) Yes, people feel very awkward when it comes to knowing what to say to somebody who has lost a loved one. Very early on we are taught not to express painful and sad feelings. The truth is everyone experiences feelings of loss differently, every relationship is unique. Therefore, hearing someone say "I know how you feel" may not mean anything to you. If people intellectualize, they say things like "She led a full life", this is not going to ease your pain though. Or when people change the subject before you may start to cry, it is all experienced as insensitivity to your feelings. Be patient with yourself, you are feeling raw right now. The responses of others, don't encourage the expression of your feelings. In the privacy of your home, you can let yourself experience your painful thoughts and feelings. Listening to our download will help you with visualizing yourself in peace.
Q.) My mother was a good friend and confidante, I don't know how I'm going to get along without her. I have great pangs of loneliness, is this normal and for how long?
A.) When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered. It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again. But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.
Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.
First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”
From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.
In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”
Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”
While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened". Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.
Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions. Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone. The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma. Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes. Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma
Q.) I'm feeling lethargic and down but trying to move through the loss of my sister, we were very close. How can I boost my spirits?
A.) Above all, grief is a spiritual journey. It demands you to consider why people live, die and the meaning they bring to life. Make and effort to embrace your spirituality and it will embrace you back. Here are some helpful hints to consider during this time in your life.
*Helpful hints: My favourite thing to do each day before going to bed is to remember three good things that happened that day. Even when you feel sad, good things do happen. During intense emotions of insecurity you may want to hold off on any major decisions and pay extra attention to nurturing yourself.- Listen to uplifting music. Classical music such as Mozart, Beethoven and Pachelbel Canon in general contain healing properties. Listen to your favourite personal theme songs that fill you with hope, serenity and inspiration.
- Pick out a pure essential oil that is most appealing to you, and enjoy the positive feeling it gives off in your home.
- Pleasant objects of art or flowers placed strategically where you will notice them can lift your spirits.
- Be good to yourself, treat yourself to a massage, take as many walks in the fresh air as you can, get proper amounts of sleep, and eat properly.
- Do things that give you nice feelings, perhaps just renting a favourite movie, dancing or attending cultural events.
- Love and appreciate yourself, focus on appreciative thoughts. Focus, also, on the gentle touch and kind deeds towards yourself and others. The more you tune into love everyday, the easier every day gets.
- Listen to meditation tapes. The tapes enable your subconscious to be open to receiving loving spirit energy. You can then rid yourself of fear and stress.
- It is very healing to express your feelings with others, so communicate with those you love.
Q.) My brother and a freind died in a fatal car accident and it was my brother's fault for drinking and driving. I feel guilty for having had let him borrow my car.
A.) It's the old "if I hadn't... this wouldn't have happened", nobody else is responsible for anybody else's choices. You don't know the reason for his choices, so don't blame yourself for his decision! You may have to write down a conversation with your brother in your mind. Write down your questions and his answers. There are others who have experienced similar situations, you can go online to find support from websites like MADD.
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