Pet Loss

Commonly Asked Questions and Answers

Famous Quote:

Her life was a gift to me, her death a greater one. - Oprah

Q.) I'm O.K. about Winston's passing, but my daughter is very upset, even to the point of not eating.

A.) The degree of attachment to a pet determines the extent of which you feel grief.  Your daughter must have been deeply attached.  Children feel particularly sad and empty, without a real ability to express themselves.  Eating too little or too much is often a way of dealing with emotion.  This is an adjustment period.

Q.) Do children and adults experience the same stages of grief?

A.)Yes, these stages are the same for children.  Not everyone goes through all stages or in that order.  Kids may feel misdirected anger at the parent or the Vet. For example, younger children may refuse to believe that the pet was so sick it had to die.  Depending on their age group, they may not realize death is inevitable.  A four year old may not yet anticipate death, and be in a state of shock.  Their sense of security is shattered.  The best thing you can do for them is to provide a safe environment and assure them of your love.  A family commemorative service is a good idea where everyone can grieve.

Q.) I feel like I've been hit  by a truck, what can make me feel better?

A.) My favourite thing to do each day before going to bed is to remember three good things that happened that day. Even when you feel sad, good things do happen.

During intense emotions of insecurity you may want to hold off on any major decisions and pay extra attention to nurturing yourself.-    Listen to uplifting music. Classical music such as Mozart, Beethoven and Pachelbel Canon in general contain healing properties. Listen to your favourite personal theme songs that fill you with hope, serenity and inspiration.

• Pick out a pure essential oil that is most appealing to you, and enjoy the positive feeling it gives off in your home.
• Pleasant objects of art or flowers placed strategically where you will notice them can lift your spirits.
• Be good to yourself, treat yourself to a massage, take as many walks in the fresh air as you can, get proper amounts of sleep, and eat properly. 
• Do things that give you nice feelings, perhaps just renting a favourite movie, dancing or attending cultural events.
• Love and appreciate yourself, focus on appreciative thoughts. Focus, also, on the gentle touch and kind deeds towards yourself and others. The more you tune into love everyday, the easier every day gets. 
• Listen to meditation tapes. The tapes enable your subconscious to be open to receiving loving spirit energy. You can then rid yourself of fear and stress. 
• It is very healing to express your feelings with others, so communicate with those you love

Q.) I've been crying for three days now over Mimi, it feels like this will never end.

A.) Yes it will end ,everyone goes through different stages of grief.  When a situation of loss arises, the security as you have known it is shattered.  It literally feels like the carpet has been pulled from underneath you. When you find a way to accept this uncertainty as a natural state of being, you will feel okay again.  But when you are in the middle of trauma and loss, you can find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions with many ups and downs.  

Since many people find relief from knowing the stages of loss by Dr. Kuebler-Ross, a renowned grief specialist, I summarize them here.

First you may go into denial, telling yourself “I don’t believe this.”

From there you may move angry thoughts and feelings. At this stage you tend to blame somebody for what you are experiencing.

In stage three you try to strike a bargain, maybe with God, “If you change this for me, I will never ask for anything again.”

Since this is a losing proposition, you become sad,” I’m too depressed to do anything.”

While moving through all these stages, sometimes in no particular order, you are on a bit of a roller coaster of tough feelings. But all these ups and downs level out when you move into stage five, “acceptance” and you are at peace with what happened".  Like many roller coasters the ride is tougher in the beginning, becoming less and less intense.

Even years after trauma, something may trigger your old emotions.  Trauma and loss are similar in that they make the person feel unsettled, the security is gone.  The frontal lobes of your brain are not functioning at their full capacity at the time of trauma.  Meditation is important since it helps access relaxed brain waves, and build healthier frontal lobes.  Positively Up’s loss series C.D.s  are an excellent way to practise meditation and to cope with stress during trauma.

Q.) Do I tell my children our cat died or refer to her as having run away?

A.) Death should be looked as a normal process of life.  If we speak of it openly, it will be less of a shock.  The lack of comfort in communicating about death causes our children to fear and deny the dying process.